


Hate to Hate

by ngm



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Gen, Identity Reveal, M/M, Secret Identity, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-29 14:56:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10856331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ngm/pseuds/ngm
Summary: Set directly after The Lego Batman Movie; Harley picks the Joker up from the Gotham docks where Batman and fam are having their moment to discover he wasn't as observant as his henchwench was--- and needs to get some answers!





	1. Inherently Rational

Well...THAT had all gone well better than anyone had expected!

There was a little swagger in the Joker's step as he sauntered away from the dock that Batman and the rest of his Bat-friends were rejoicing on. He could understand why they were so happy, heck, he was happy too! He couldn't remember the last time he was this happy! 

Oh wait... yes he could... It was when he had poisoned all of those fish so they had Joker (TM) smiles too-- Oh, that was a hoot but this sorta edged it out. 

Caught up in his reminiscing, the Joker was nearly taken out by Harley, who had whipped up in the Noto Lowrider with her usual air of impatience about her-- But all was still very much good and the Joker effortlessly hopped into the passenger's side of the convertible, without skipping a beat. 

"Can you believe it?" He tittered, shifting in the seat to look over at his wing-woman; then promptly flipped down the mirror visor so he could preen. 

"I know, right?" Harley drawled, her hands clenching on the steering wheel as she threw the vehicle down a just wide enough alley. 

"He hates me!" The Joker blurted while the half-redhead barked --

"He's Bruce Freaking WAYNE!!!" Harley screeched, letting her mouth fall open for dramatic shock as she glanced at her cohort. Said cohort reeled his head to look at his companion, the lipstick that he had been meticulously reapplying drawing a line across his shocked cheek.

"What?" The Joker uttered in such a calm tone that it drew goosepimples on Harley's arms. 

"Um... Batman is Bruce Wayne? I mean, like, c'mon, J, he even said it." 

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Came the response that Harleen was expecting, his scream shredding through the air as grabbed the woman driving by her arm and started to shake. Fortunately, she had ground the lowrider to a stop, conveniently in front of one of their hideouts. 

"Do I have to explain this? You know when you had your heart to heart?"

"Hate to hate." The Joker corrected.

"Right, that, and the part where he was like" -- for this, Harley adopted the signature 'Bat-Growl' as she parked the car and hopped out, all the while still facing the Joker. "You're the reason why I get up at 4'o-clock in the afternoon and pump iron until my chest is positively SICK. You're the reason I've given up a life spent with Russian ballerinas and lady underwear models. If it wasn't for you--" 

"Harley, did you memorize everything he said?" 

"Um, are you kidding me? YES! Of Course!!! Every girl wants to hear those things-- or in your case..."

"A-bah-bah-bah-bah, I get it. I get it." The Joker said, waving his hands as he interrupted his hench wench. "I think I need to sit on this for a minute..." And he led the way into their somewhat empty lair. Good, he needed the peace. 

Naturally, any time that the Joker needed 'peace' or 'to think' or 'quite time' made Harley incredibly uneasy, so she took to another room to detangle herself from her somewhat unorthodox outfit and greet the hyenas. 

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?" Was the next shriek to rip out of the Joker as he scrubbed the lipstick off of his face with the heel of his hand; a loud, continuous laugh leaving his chest until he was wheezing. How could he have been so BLIND?! How could EVERYONE be so blind?! The thought stopped being funny and filled him with white hot rage for just one moment... before it dawned on him that there was much fun to be had, messing with his Batsy while he was in his Bruce costume. 

Waiting for the Joker to catch his breath again, Harley came back out to the main plotting room to find him sitting in the middle of the floor with hundreds-- if not thousands of pictures of the Batman in various piles. 

"I can't believe this-- I feel so... stupid?" The Joker whined as he picked up a picture of the Batman, covered the bottom part of the face with his ungloved hand, then flipped it away like a playing card while making a sulky noise. 

"Aww.. booboo... don't be upset! Today has been great if NOT the greatest! I mean, Batman admitted that he loves you--" 

"Hates."

"Right. Sure, whatever. And you got to find out who his secret identity is, c'mon J! That is a good day!" 

The Joker looked down at the scattered pictures, letting out a sigh through his nose as he began to carefully scoop them up.

"He did say it in front of everybody too..." He murmured, getting off of the floor with another sigh, the pictures disappearing into a pocket of his coat. "You know, I was pretty happy not knowing who Batman was..." 

"Oh yeah? How come you always want him to take off his mask then?" Harley replied with a coy smirk as she padded into the kitchen area to fetch some kibble for the hyenas. 

"Oh, touché, Harleen, touché." The Joker replied while flopping down in a tattered armchair.

"Plus, now you can have some fun with it!" She called from the other room, audibly scooping the pet food into an empty plastic bowl. From out of nowhere, the henchpets came from their hyena hiding spots and grazed past the Joker, just enough so he could pet one of the spotted beasties on the back. 

"BUD! LOU! Ohhh! There ya are!" Harley tittered from the kitchen and again, the Joker fell into silence. 

This meant... that Wayne Manor really DID belong to Batman... and that Batman was like, a billionaire (that part made sense) and that he was a CEO and heck, he was actually a pretty busy guy. 

The plot thickened and with a renewed vigor the Joker sprung up from the chair and bolted past The Riddler, who had just thrown open the door to the communal lair and blinked back his surprise. 

"Easy there, buddy!" He called after the clown who surely hadn't even heard him and extra certainly didn't care. 

\- - - 


	2. Lonely No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the other side of Gotham, Bruce Wayne and his newly indoctrinated 'family' get down to domesticities, all while he just wants to... well... y'know.

On the other side of town, Batman in his bathrobe looked at his 'family', grinning from beneath his mask as his new 'son', his new 'girl... uhh... sidekick' and his old butler, who was new to 'Bat'-ing, ate merrily. The lobster was okay by itself, but lobster with friends was way better. Well, it didn't make the lobster taste any better, but it was better than being lonely. 

And It was definitely different... and a bit noisier but tonight had been a distinctly different night than any other. It felt very long, trying and for the first time since he could remember, Bruce was tired. At night. 

And it was weird, but he couldn't help the yawn that left his mouth... and he definitely noticed the three pairs (well, four if you count Robin's glasses) of eyes that flicked over to look at him. 

"What." 

"Master Bruce... It has been an awfully long day..." Alfred started, pushing back his chair as he began to stand and collect the plates. 

"Yeah, I know Alfred, just..." another yawn. "One more patrol..." He murmured, rubbing at his mask's eye socket with the heel of his hand. 

"I think you can sit this one out." Babs quipped, standing to help Alfred as well. "Like, tonight is a truce night because of how crazy-go-nuts things got there at the end, right?" 

Batman took a deep breath, glancing from the commissioner to his step-son, who was gazing at him with hopeful eyes. Damn. 

"Fine, okay. Okay. Fine." And like that, Bruce pulled his cowl from his head and waited for his hair to pop back into place. 

"All right!" Was Dick's cheerful reply, a hand going to cover his sudden yawn, but eyes still glimmering with adoration as he stared at Bruce. How COOL was he?! 

 

Bruce sat back as the table was cleared, zoning out a little as the three other folks moved around him. He was definitely going back out on patrol tonight. Once Barbara left and Alfred was occupied "Grandpa-ing" on Robin he would be able to sneak out and he was GOING to sneak out. In the meantime, however, he was going up to his room, carelessly leaving his cowl on the dining table as he finger saluted Babs -- it was time for her to absorb this day too and get some well earned shut eye. Dick, on the other hand was way too hyper for this hour, a task that Alfred seemed up to. 

This... wasn't bad after all. It was pretty easy to fall in sync with this new "family" dynamic, he could totally do this. 

The Joker, on the other hand...

Bruce could totally do that too... Wait, what?!  Stupid, sassy brain! 

The Joker was a whole new issue that he had to prepare himself for... It's not like, he wasn't like, ready or anything... It was more that there were things said and feelings felt and hands held and it was really weird but really good and a lot to take in. 

He did hate the Joker. He'd hated the Joker from the moment he'd heard his obnoxious laugh and he hated him a little bit more, every time he had to diffuse a really absurd bomb, free some seriously traumatized hostages or worse. What they had was very complicated and Bruce could only keep deluding himself for so long before it all came to a head. In a way, he felt relieved that this part of the dance was finally over and carried off to his massive bedroom to pretend to go to sleep. Alfred had a rather fatherly knack of peeking his head in to see if he was in bed, something that had been a regular occurrence well before the fateful night that he'd lost his mom and dad. 

For the first time in a really, really long time, he felt satisfied, like, if his parents were here, they would be really, really, really proud of him. Coming to terms and acknowledging the fact that he has needs and that other people need him; well, that was really cool of him and he could admit that to himself.

For the sake of posterity, Bruce took his pre-bed shower (usually he was going to sleep closer to 6am, not 11pm), did his pre-bed brushing his teeth, even tucked into his pre-bed Bat-Briefs and a new merlot-colored kimono. He EVEN turned off the lights and laid down-- and at that precise moment Alfred had opened his door, peeked in, smiled warmly and shut it again. 

Alright, time to get down to business. 

He hopped BACK out of bed and his robe simultaneously, diving into the deeper part of his closet to where the extra Batsuits were hidden. The simple suit was best, his 'dark knight' suit-- it was the Blackest of the Black and had fewer accessories to clip on. In this suit, Batman really was almost a shadow -- and it was out of the window without a look back. 

If Alfred wanted to get his case about anything, it could be over the fact that he'd put off hiring somebody to clean up the upper floors of the mansion--- It, in the defense of the most colorful man he'd ever met, did look kind of alluring, but all of that green and purple had to go, lickety-split. 

Tomorrow. 

Well, it was ALMOST tomorrow already. 

LATER ON tomorrow. For now, he had to find the Joker. 


End file.
